Saturday was my 23rd birthday. Twenty-three is not one of the milestone birthdays you typically think of. And yet, it felt significant. It was my first birthday spent outside of South Carolina. It was the birthday that marked the beginning of my first fully-adult year of life.

To me, birthdays offer an opportunity for reflection. They’re a benchmark for the trials, triumphs and growth that I’ve experienced during my trips around the sun. With this in mind, today I’m opening up, getting vulnerable, and reflecting on the life lessons I’ve learned so far!

1. Don’t be afraid to be a beginner.

While the beginning of anything⁠—a new job, a new city, even a new hobby — can be overwhelming, lean into the start knowing that in no time, you’ll find your footing. I’m a beginner in the PR agency world. I’m a beginner blogger. But I also was a beginner college student, a beginner bike rider, and a beginner in every other aspect of my life at one point. I take solace in my track record, knowing that I found my footing in each of those things. This gives me peace of mind as I take on new challenges, like starting my career and diving into blogging.

2. Write down at least one thing you’re thankful for every day.

I keep a running list of things I’m thankful for in a note on my iPhone, adding a new item each day. When I feel anxious or just need to ground myself, reading through the note reminds me of all of the things in my life, both big and small, that I have to be grateful for and instantly has a positive impact on my outlook.

3. Relinquish the timeline.

The timeline is your idea of when certain life milestones should occur. Example: I want to be married by 30.

On the subject matter of timelines, I particularly love the quote, “What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how things are supposed to be.” I’m a firm believer that at any given time, you are exactly where you’re supposed to be in your life journey and that you learn lessons, either about yourself or the world around you, during every phase of life. 

So say it with me: I. Cannot. Control. Everything. Let go of the timeline, the picture in your head of how things should be. Instead, focus your attention on what you can learn from how things are. You’ll develop a greater sense of self-awareness and gratitude for your personal journey.

4. Feelings are natural. Let yourself experience your emotions sans judgment.

For a long time, I preemptively judged myself for every emotion I felt. When I felt disappointed, I’d tell myself, You shouldn’t be disappointed. It was dumb of you to get your hopes up, and things of that nature. It was an unhealthy thought pattern, to say the least. Now, I let myself experience my emotions. If I feel like I need to cry, I let myself cry. Granted, I don’t dwell on my emotions or let them control my life. But allowing my feelings run their course allows me to cope and move on in a much healthier manner.

5. Live in the present moment.

I’m still working on this one. In fact, I’d say that living in the present moment, rather than being entangled in a web of anxious thoughts about the future, is one of my biggest struggles. But I’ve found that when I’m intentional about being present, I reap the rewards of less stress and greater joy.

If you’re wrestling with being present, start small. For me, the first step of progress was taking in the scenery during my morning walk to the metro instead of checking my email and thinking about everything on my to-do list for the day ahead.

6. People don’t change unless they want to.

A little context: Earlier this year, I got coffee with someone who used to be a close friend. Our friendship was toxic and imploded a few years ago for reasons that I won’t go into. When the former friend reached out to me, I decided to give them a chance because I believe that people can change. 

When we met up, I realized that the same toxic traits that made our friendship unhealthy were still present in my former friend. The experience was confirmation to me of one of the most fundamental truths I’ve learned: people don’t change unless they want to. This principle applies to friends, family and romantic partners. I can personally attest to the fact that the sooner you stop wishing that the person would change or making efforts yourself to change the person, the happier and healthier you’ll be.

7. Give and get closure when you can.

I’ve denied others closure and I’ve been denied closure. Both are awful. What happened? and what-if? reverberate in at least one party’s mind after an abrupt end to a significant relationship, be it romantic or otherwise. So, when you have the opportunity, do the kind thing: give and get closure. 

8. You only get a few true friends in life.

By true friend, I mean a faithful, life-long friend. The truth is, many of the people in our lives stick around only for a season. I don’t see this as a bad thing, though. As we grow and evolve, it’s only natural that our friends will change. So don’t be discouraged when you feel yourself outgrowing certain friends. The experience makes you that much more grateful for your true, lifelong friendships.

9. Happiness is a choice.

This one is perhaps cliché, but it’s worth including because it’s so true. It takes equal amounts of energy to be happy as it does to be miserable. I went through a very dark period during my senior year of high school where many things outside of my control took a collective toll on me. While my circumstances didn’t change for several months, the thing that made this period bearable for me was waking up each morning and deciding to be happy. As cheesy as it sounds, playing Hello, You Beautiful Thing (It’s Gonna Be a Good Day) by Jason Mraz on my way to school and focusing my mind on something positive truly helped.

Please note: Depression and other mental illnesses are of course exceptions to this principle. I am in no way suggesting that people who have a mental illness can simply change their mindset and be free of their condition. If you’re suffering from a mental health issue, know that my heart goes out to you!

10. Therapy is good!

Another thing that got me through that dark time and other rough periods in my life? Therapy. Talking to an unbiased third party about the things weighing on your mind and heart is cathartic. Even better, therapists can help you identify flawed or unhealthy thought patterns and develop strategies for stressful situations. While I’m still a work in progress, both of these things have been huge for my peace of mind.

11. Learn the love languages.

One of the most impactful things I’ve ever read is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The premise of the book is that we all give and receive love in different ways. These different ways are categorized into the five love languages: quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch and gift-giving. Once you know your love language (the book has a quiz!), you have the tools to communicate what makes you feel most cared-for to your loved ones. Likewise, once you know your loved ones’ love languages, you can tailor your actions to make them feel extra loved. The love languages are truly a game-changer!

12. Let go of being perfect.

When I first scheduled this post in my editorial calendar, I envisioned it as 23 Things I’ve Learned in 23 Years. Then, after thinking long and hard about the most important pearls of wisdom I’ve acquired so far, I realized that there were only twelve lessons I wanted to share. Rather than force myself to come up with eleven more to reach 23-in-23 perfection, I decided that this post didn’t have to perfect; it just had to be genuine.

By the same token, I’ve learned that I don’t have to be perfect; that it’s okay to not check everything off my to-list each day. It’s okay to rest. It’s okay to be a mess sometimes. It’s okay to be human.

I definitely don’t have it all figured out—does anyone ever?—but I’m thankful for the lessons that the first 23 years of life taught me. As I continue to grow and change, I look forward to updating you on navigating my 20s (and, who knows, maybe my 30s and 40s, too!) via blog posts like these. If you enjoy reading more-personal content, check out my latest Life Lately post.